That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
