I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
