i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
