I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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