It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
