I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
