Soap is not a condiment
i already hear my dad disowning me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
