I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
