he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
