I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
pray to the hookup gods
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
