I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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