I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
