I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
