I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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