Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
