yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
