I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so let's talk penis.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
