So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
