Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
