Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
