Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
where are my eyebrows?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
