i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
