Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
