o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
