I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
