Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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