I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
