i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
