He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
