I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
