my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
