My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Randomize
