i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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