my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
