Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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