I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
