Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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