It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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