Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
