Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
