that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
