I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
