omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
