im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
