So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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