1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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