My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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