woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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