It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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