So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
