honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
