Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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