i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
