they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
