I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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