this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
