well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
