I wish my penis had an off switch
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
