The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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