A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
