at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
