I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
