This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
