I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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