i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
