I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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